You just made me feel so damn special
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
