If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
