so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
