Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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