Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ttyl tear gas
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
