I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
