Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
