totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
