I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
