Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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