I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
third nipple confirmed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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