So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
