Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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