I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
