I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
soo... how was my night?
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