my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want a musical about memes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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