I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
