He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
