What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Buhtt sex?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
