i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
