I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
