making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
