well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
being pregnant is like rehab
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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