It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
