Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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