So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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