Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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