im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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