I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
