FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
