Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
