just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
