I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
