this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
