Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need to calm my uterus...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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