I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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