6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
