they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
