I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My ass is underappreciated
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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