"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
