if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
