I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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