okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
