her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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