people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
