Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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