first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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