Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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