So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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