I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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