i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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