so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
