I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
