dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
