sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
